I've lived as a man & a woman -- here's what I learned | Paula Stone Williams | TEDxMileHigh TEDx Talks 37.9M subscribers Subscribe 175K 4.6M views 5 years ago If you're a man, at one. I was given the usual girl stuff, but I wanted Tonka trucks, I played with the boys in my neighborhoods and did not get along with girls much. I knew all my life that I was a girl, but growing up in the 1950's I just swallowed it and held it down. Trans Activist Paula Stone Williams Led Anti-LGBTQ Evangelical Denomination Human Interest Trans Activist Led Anti-LGBTQ Evangelical Denomination for 35 Years: 'I Have a Lot to Make Up. If I do a talk on being transgender, I think Ill throw in a good bit of humor. It is a view held in opposition to the egalitarian view, which teaches gender equality. Are the churchs days numbered? It was only when I woke up gasping for air with the noose still around my neck, that I realized I had nothing else to lose by transitioning. What saved me was a return to faith, realizing that no matter what, God still loved me, and that I with His help, I would be able to muster up the nerve to move forward. I had to remind them that as the anti-trans rhetoric increases, my chances of reelection dwindle. Self actualization is never easy. Paul's 40-year-old son, Jonathan Williams, pastor of Forefront Brooklyn, a new church started with help from Orchard Group,told The New York Timesthat his father told him in December 2012, a year before he retired, that he wanted to live life as a woman. Some of the complaints about the ministry come from pastors who started churches with them. Since my doctorate is in pastoral counseling, this should be good news for my profession. If I could say something to every trans person out there, it is that you are not alone, it is positive (if not awesome) to be different, and you have mentors and resources (please use us!). Therefore, we do need to be cautious when prescribing estrogen, testosterone, or anti-androgens. They are the most at risk group in the nation. It took me several years to finish Ron Chernows Hamilton,seriously, several years. Reverend Paula Stone Williams (born 1951) is an American pastoral counselor. Protestors were shouting offensive slogans at the children and their parents. I love my family more than anything and I still find myself asking, Was there another way? It is always an open question. Life, though much harder, is much better - much more real. (Ever hear of the Cane Ridge Revival?) Everything I spent decades building was gone in a week. This journey has naturally led to the realization of how important it is to have voices within the community telling our stories instead of ones told about us. When people step up and people treat each other like human beings and not some sort of scandal, things can go right and there can be a happy ending. For most of her life, Paula Stone Williams . Sometimes people step up and take big risks for social justice, but there are an infinite number of moments when you can help out in the small ways. Once my generation dies off, there will be few left to fight against LGBTQ+ rights and womens equality. I am visible to help stop stereotypes. I don't think she will stay with me if I become a woman. I know Paula's character, so I probably need to study up on what it means to be transgender,' " she recalls. Meanwhile on the inside I was tormented with turmoil, why wouldn't this just go away? I spot it before I even open it. Im going to put off thinking about my next talk until after the June 24 event. I was always most comfortable in boys clothes, and since I had 2 brothers, my mother was ecstatic when I was born, but little did she know, who I was to become. Though I never allow my gender status to define me, because above all I am human and my interests expand beyond what the world perceives me to be. The evangelical bubble makes me chuckle until I realize how much damage is being done to our nation because of evangelical perspectives on gender. The summer before high school I told my mom that i was a boy and she pretty much said i know. In some ways I have realized that I was barely living before. We live in an imperfect world in which everyone bears untold burdens. I am comfortable in my own skin, as though I have finally come into my self. Other institutions might cover one of those bases, but the church is the only one that covers all four. I felt it was never safe to tell anyone though. Even without parental support, I knew I had to do this and hoped that they would come around eventually. Im most fortunate to have is a wife that loves and accepts all of me - both as a male and female. The grandchildren adjusted without much difficulty. Women of Today - 2 Paula Stone Williams @paulaswilliams2 is @TEDTalks Speaker on Gender Equity and #LGBTQ Advocacy, Author of the book, As A Woman! Seeking health careany kind of health carecan still be scary. Sam Gillette is a books Writer/Reporter for People.com and People Magazine. "We thought we knew what the trajectory of our family was going to be, and we had to re-create it," Paula explains. I was reading an article last week that said people are no longer attending religious services, but they are reaching out for the help of a spiritual director or pastoral counselor. The church is messy. I don't know if I can stay a man. I began questioning if I was trans because I did feel like a man, but it wasn't all the time. Ive also been surprised by people who have chosen not read it, which includes a lot of good friends. There has been an explosion of bigotry directed at one of the most at-risk populations in our nation. Governments exist to meet the needs of the citizenry. My life does not fit those boxes. And be respected for who I naturally am. Editor's Note: Paula Stone Williams is a pastor and internationally known speaker on gender equity, LGBTQ advocacy and religious tolerance. The column that I wrote wasnt the best piece of craft, but its rawness was powerful. Americans no longer go to church, they say. As I began to transition I was told I would never be able to model as a "male", because I was only 5'7 and not a real man. Itd be laughable, but its not. I am about as privileged as a transgender person can get, but even I have received an uptick in emails, texts, and other forms of anti-trans rhetoric aimed at me. Ive had trials come about because of the book. Stopping anti-trans laws from being signed into law will solve that problem. My goal is to spread awareness about transgender issues and change the way trans people are seen and treated in our country. Ive also thought about doing a talk on staying young while growing older. I always wanted to be like Roy, but Ive never managed a book a week. I've discovered who of my former life truly cares about me, and moreover, I've come to love myself. The board members of the town in which I live were all encouraging one another to run for office again next year. Nevertheless, people get upset. Then within minutes, going: 'Oh, wait a second wait a second. Transgender people make up only .58 percent of the population. As part of a series of editorials about transgender experiences, we are featuring personal stories that reflect the strength, diversity and challenges of the community. It is time for trans allies, accomplices, and apprentices to speak up on our behalf. I did not realize how many people saw me as a strong, gentle male presence. Eight years after starting her transition journey, the activist says she is back on solid ground with her ex-wife, grown son and daughters, who had each needed time to adjust to Paula's transition. Host(s): Kate Archer Kent. [3] She now is a pastor at Left Hand Church in Longmont, Colorado. Swamplands of the Soul, by James Hollis, is covered with notes and underlined passages from front to back. Corporations exist to benefit their shareholders. I am grateful for those who are willing to speak up. I believe the majority of those young people will eventually decide they are not transgender. Knowles is not the only one making inflammatory statements. Barring trans kids from scholastic sports is just the beginning. Unfortunately, no one told fundamentalists and evangelicals that, and through shrewd manipulation, they now hold great political power. To this day, I still face crippling dysphoria, but I am forced to remain in the closet due to my transphobic family. Tom Fitton, president of Judicial Watch, said gender affirming treatment is a demonic assault on the innocence of our children. Demonic? In this talk, she reflects about the male privilege she once had and how she's being treated now as a woman. I've had friends who said that they regarded being transgendered as a blessingI think that I felt it to be more a curse. Raised by a deeply devoted evangelical family, Paula remembers moving from state to state as her pastor father found work in different churches. As a pastor, it is an honor to perform weddings, funerals, baby dedications, baptismal services, and be present for every other milestone of our communal lives. Theyve grown rapidly, have a huge position in the market, and have managed to get themselves into a fair amount of trouble over the last few years. Almost without exception these souls are Christians who have been ostracized from their churches and/or families. While I continue to speak on the ongoing fight for gender equity, I am offering a new talk on what is happening in America with the anti-transgender laws, rhetoric, and repression that are permeating our nation. This is a way bigger deal. Just as Paula has forged a new connection with her family, she hopes to impact her world in a new way by supporting other trans people and influencing how evangelical followers view the LGBTQ community. While caution is appropriate, parents and medical professionals should make those determinations, not legislatures. I used to preach regularly at LifeBridge Christian Church in Longmont, a megachurch of a few thousand people. By comparison, they introduced only 20 in 2018. When I transitioned, I saw a clear pathway forward for transgender people. My friends are furious on my behalf. I almost lost my health insurance. I keep thinking about all of the trans people who now attend or have ever attended our church. She is one author Id rather listen to than read. It seems wise not to write another book until Im on the other side of that inflexion point. Another problem is that social pendulums perpetually swing from one extreme to the other. If you turn to the page, the quote is underlined or in brackets. Follow Paula Stone Williams on WordPress.com. This is not a choice. She is lives in Boulder, Colorado. Women should not be given agency over their own bodies. One of my long-time friends who works for American Airlines made sure Cathy and I got out of town before a snowstorm so we could get to a long-awaited vacation in Hawaii. "I have been in personal contact with thousands of LGBTQ individuals and their families from seven countries on four continents. We were committed for life. Between novels I read historical books. As I told my parents, isn't it better to have a living daughter than a dead son? Now, I feel about some parts of the United States like I feel about fundamentalist Muslim nations in the Middle East. Paula didn't share the full extent of her transgender yearnings until 2010, when she was 62 years old. Join thousands of others to get the FREEDOM POST newsletter for free, sent twice a week from The Christian Post. Sam Banks-Friedman said he didnt read books and that anything that needed to be said could be said in a six-paragraph blog. "We declined multiple requests from The NY Times to comment regarding their recent article. Tell us what youre interested in and well send you talks tailored just for you. We need both groups. Stopping ridicule, bullying, and hate speech will solve that problem. My experience of gender put me in touch with my very humanness, as I examined my own soul against the torrents of others doubts and disappointments. Todays church, at its best, focuses on the needs of refugees, immigrants, children, the LGBTQ+ population, individuals with disabilities, women, the economically disadvantaged, and a plethora of other people groups that have been marginalized. But the storm of my transition has left a road full of boulders and branches. It kinda shows. If you want to think about the true absurdity of that, just consider that those same state legislatures do not have a single gun violence bill pending. I have resisted labeling and being labeled all my life; but if you insist on labeling me, you may say that I am trans-gifted. November 28, 2017 November 28, 2017 / Paula Stone Williams / 9 Comments. Right now Im reading The Paris Library by Janet Skeslien Charles. We have lived authentically and conscientiously, but there is pain and sorrow. The terrifying thing I carried in my heart all my life has become the most exciting and fulfilling journey of personal growth I could have ever dreamed of. I really like the writing of Hampton Sides. I have already testified against anti-trans laws and have worked with the Biden administration to bring accurate information about gender issues to the American public. Transition is like both heaven and hell embracing each other on top of a roller-coaster. I had known I was different since I was six, but didn't know how and anyway, "different" meant "bad" to so many people. After her transition, she has struggled to come to terms with her voice. She stays at the house when the kids and grandkids are in town. But I make it work. When you visit this site, it may store or retrieve information on your browser, mostly in the form of cookies. This is not uncommon for people like myself who never identified with the gender that they were assigned at birth. A Transgender Woman Looks at Male Sexuality. not buying into the binary was such a relief. There have been times when someone will ask me if I am happy with my "choice" to transition. I have been avoiding Florida and any state that has recently passed anti-transgender leglislation. That is what I chose to do with my one fragile and precious life. I am a transgender woman but it is never at the top of my list of how I describe myself. I got counseling about three months after I found out. Previously an evangelical pastor and president of a Christian church planting organization, Williams was. They said, The Bible speaks against homosexual behavior. She is lives in Boulder, Colorado. After all of the laws and rhetoric of the last few months, its pretty hard to make me laugh about this subject. Gender roles don't have to dictate our lives. I learned to swagger and manspread. It is so foreign to anything I have known over the last ten years that it leaves me dumbfounded when people say with a straight face that God expects wives to submit to their husbands. I wrestled with it, and threw out three times as much material as appears in the final edit. When his book came out Kanye West famously said he doesnt read books. Yep. Now, I am living as me. Becoming a psychiatrist and confronting mental and emotional suffering beckoned me to confront my own. And you cant do the first two very well until youve learned to do the third. TEDx was created in the spirit of TED's mission, "ideas worth spreading." After coming out as transgender in December 2012, Williams was swiftly fired from a position as an evangelical Christian leader. To be "real," not only meant defining my physical appearance, but also doing work that spoke to my heart and values. Ill let you know how it turns out. Four Christian schools in Northern Colorado, including Longmont Christian School, not far from the church I serve, closed on March 31st because a large group of transgender people were headed up I-25 planning to destroy Christian churches and schools along the way. To be successful as a blind man, I had to be strong. I received my annual sales numbers for my memoir. Both of our fathers performed the ceremony. Add to that the fact that someone took it upon themselves to inform the Bay Shore, Long Island school district that our marital status should be researched, and you realize there are a lot of people out there who want to make my life difficult. Most of them were positive. She and others were part of a diverse program that included prayers, readings, blessings and hymns from interfaith leaders and . Language that encourages radicals to pursue genocide cannot be tolerated. Paula is one of the founding Pastors of Envision Community Church. Apprentices work at our direction to do the work. In early 2014, Orchard Group said in a short announcementthat Paul had "retired quietly" in 2013. I have been bullied and been called terrible names, even though that has happened I don't let that change who I am. No one would choose loss, heartbreak, unemployment and being homeless. Paula has been featured in theNew York Times, TEDWomen, TEDSummit, TEDxMileHigh,Red Table Talk, theDenver Post, the New York Post,New Scientistmagazine,Radio New Zealand and many other media outlets. She works with the Center for Progressive Renewal, serves on. I learned that no matter how bleak the outlook may be, it IS possible to be your true self no matter how many obstacles are in your way. Allies work from their own perspective to speak up on our behalf. Cavafy writes: Ithaca has given you the beautiful voyage. I have effectively traded my white male privilege to become one of Americas most hated minorities. I am blessed. Isn't it time I showed love to myself? Every person, intersex or not, deserves the autonomy to determine and live in the gender with which they identify. This pain is better than the sheer torture of a melancholy existence where the brain is constantly searching for a body it can't find just yet. I have a friend from New Zealand who said on a call last week, What is wrong with America? My story is not a story of 'this to that' it is simply one of me affirming the gender I have always been. I am Rev. Neither one of us wanted this, and it is profoundly difficult to know how to move forward. I do not believe gender is a social construct any more than I believe gender is immutably determined by medical personnel at birth. I have left them fatherless. People are still reading Homers Odyssey, all the works of William Shakespeare, and even the Apostle Johns stunningly mystical Book of Revelation. Today I experience my failing body with such relief that I was able to journey into my identity, even if it was for too short a time. The acceptance received while transitioning on the job directly impacted my confidence and helped me find my voice. The name change process was awkward for both my friends and l but after some time, my new life became comfortable. Who would have the temerity to say, I dont read books? Apparently, a lot of people. For most of my life, I felt like I was sitting in no man's land, waiting for someone to give me a push so I could finally feel whole. If you told me I was Transgender 5 years ago, I would have denied it. Dr. Paula Stone Williams is a national public speaker specializing in Gender Equity, LGBTQ Inclusion, Executive Leadership and American Religion. Dr. Paula Stone Williams is an internationally known speaker on gender equity, LGBTQ advocacy, and religious tolerance. It affects my decisions about the places I travel. I know that once Millennials and Gen Z become the majority of the electorate things will change. "I will never forget the transgender teen who talked with me after I spoke at my first public event, a PFLAG conference in Boulder. The early period after transition was also an awkward period of adjustment, not unlike adolescence, but I made it. I think about the transgender people who now attend or have attended Envision Community Church (formerly Left Hand Church) in Longmont. Paula expected to leave. After spending 60 years as a man, Paul came out as transgender to his family and Paula was born . I will always have the legacy of being the 1st MTF to transition on the job in my company! It is a respectable number, but not what I had hoped. I wanted to be married to Cathy for life. When an Arkansas State Senator recently asked a transgender pharmacist in a public hearing whether she had a penis, America entered a new and dangerous period of anti-transgender rhetoric and repression. Now, more than ever, we need allies willing to speak up on our behalf. But you take yourself with yourself wherever you go, and eventually the limerence stage of young love, with a place or a person, yields to the always restless longings of the soul. "I am learning a lot about what it means to be a female, and I am learning a lot about my former gender," she says. Like George Bailey in Its A Wonderful Life, I protest Hey! Being a female to male, I have no male influence. A number of people have discerned I am in the midst of a difficult struggle. Paula Williams, 66, is 6-foot-3, with light brown ringlets, a soft voice and an affinity for phrases like, "Oh, my goodness." She is still married to Jonathan's mother, and they share a. Why hadn't I gotten it yet? The church is also a place in which the total is greater than the sum of the parts. Pretty soon audiences forget they are hearing a trans story and just hear a human story. Reading my sons book would be a threat to your conviction that transgender people destroy their families. Weve come a long way since I led a conversation with a group of megachurch pastors about ten years ago in which the pastors talked about making room within their congregations for transgender people. But I also know I had little choice but to transition. I was a senior in college and she was a sophomore. I was slowly killing myself within this facade of being this girl I never was. (This is paragraph five, if youre counting.) The painful details that led to our separation are detailed in my book, As a Woman, What I Learned About Power, Sex, and the Patriarchy After I Transitioned. I could not be happier mentally, physically, and socially with the life I live today. Ive had the privilege of meeting and hearing the stories of other transgender people like me and people who belong to non-western genderslike Indian hijra or Native American two-spirit or Samoan fa'afafine. (It is an honor to be among that 100.). Back in the late summer I got my second email from Antarctica. Church attendance might be down, but the church will be just fine. As my body changed, my mind changed for the better. Now I am socially comfortable and comfortable in my own skin. Paula Williams health insurance will end on January 31, and you are required to send us a divorce decree.
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